He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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