a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
