If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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