i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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