You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
