i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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