I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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