he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
