in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
