if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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