You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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