Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
