Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
