You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
dude. I can hear the air.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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