He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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