i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
