Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
