My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
