I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
