and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
