I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
