i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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