There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
