I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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