Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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