at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
