I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
