Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Panties = found
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
