i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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