Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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