Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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