I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
