Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
