too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
