just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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