eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
