Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Houston, we have a squirter
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
