He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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