I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
