I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
