I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
