Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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