Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
