you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
