you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
