so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
