need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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