I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
