I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The best revenge is premature balding
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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