my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
