Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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