the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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