I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
