Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
