is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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