I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
