you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
