You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
