Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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