so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
false alarm, still single
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
