Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
