Dual....:-)
You're so nebulous sometimes
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
