oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
