i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
