i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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