I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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