So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
