Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
