my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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